look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
