I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
