Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
