Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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