she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
