did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
