i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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