We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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