How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
