Heybabeimwearingurpanties
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
vagina is talking i cant
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
