Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
