its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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