I can text with my tongue
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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