My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
