You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
sex in a hospital.. check
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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