i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
