her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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