Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
