Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
