She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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