You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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