You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Randomize
