I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
