The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
