I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
