did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
wanna go halves on a baby?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
