He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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