I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
