i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
