While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
