i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
