it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
