I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
