can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
