I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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