Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
