i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He shit in the fireplace
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
