i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
