Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
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