and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Who died my cat blue again?
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
