i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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