What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
