i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
