sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
