Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Randomize
