I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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