did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You ate ashes out of my bong
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
