The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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