you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
