and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
