wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
