I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
