I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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