Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
