my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
