I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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