Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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