i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
