eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
