Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
