I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
