and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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