C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
